A guide to afternoon tea (with acerbic undertones)…

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In Blighty we love our traditions. If we’re not marvelling at the televised State Opening ceremony, then we’re certainly arranging a customary knees-up for a Bank Holiday.

United we stand as an island of stiff-upper-lippers, making the most of our temperamental summers, forever uncertain about Daylight Saving Time, and whether or not we should opt for the bourbon over the custard cream – or perhaps that’s just me? 8-O

And amongst the hassle of inside out brolly’s in the pouring rain, gruelling overtime spent at work and sadistic email-inboxes that refuse to ever be empty, we always make time for afternoon tea.

Aah, as soon as 12pm hits I’m filling up the kettle!

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Great, but that isn’t afternoon tea…

Whyever not? – It’s the afternoon…

Indeed. However per se, afternoon tea is specifically a 4pm dalliance with the hot beverage, as part of a light meal; you wouldn’t be completely condemned for partaking in this ritual at 3:59 – unless perhaps, you were spotted doing so by an emaciated ghost version of the late Duchess of Bedford - but that is the tradition.

I’m confused, why exactly is 4pm the tradition?

Well, despite that fact that nowadays you can’t walk for more than two seconds down any high street without being bombarded with franchise after franchise of American-chain-Italian-themed coffee shop, (or a Greggs), in the 18th century there were but two set times to stuff one’s face; breakfast and dinner.

People would become famished in the wait for the latter, and soon, afternoon tea became a great idea in holding them over until their main meal at around 8pm.

Okay, it’s finally 4 o’clock! Tea-bag → hot water → milk…

You could do it that way – but only if you are a glutton for punishment, who enjoys terrible tea!

If you like the good stuff, there  is an ancient order that equals the perfect cuppa; the milk must go in first. And before I am accused of being the tea-police, this idea is owed to chemistry.

Chemistry? Don’t tell me there’s a science to making tea?!

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Quite! – Loughborough University’s Dr. Andrew Stapley concluded that the recipe for the perfect cuppa begins with the ice cold milk hitting the bottom of the cup – first:

If milk is poured into hot tea, individual drops separate from the bulk of the milk, and come into contact with [...] high temperatures [...] for enough time for significant denaturation degradation – to occur. This is much less likely to happen if hot water is added to the milk.

And before you ask, I’m pretty sure denaturation degradation is science-speak, for rubbish tea!

Okay 4pm, milk first, sugar second – afternoon tea complete, right?

You’re nearly there. You need to decide whether this is ‘high‘ or ‘low‘ tea.

High or low? Does that refer to which socioeconomic class I fall into?

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Not quite, but that is a common misreading. These terms actually refer to the height of the table they are served on.

  • High tea (more of an evening tea) is a reference to tea that is traditionally served on a high-set table such as a dining table, commonly found in the dining room.
  • Low tea (or afternoon tea)  refers to tea that is traditionally served on a low-set table such as a coffee table, commonly found in the living room.

So the name of my tea, actually hangs on which table I choose to place my teacup? :-o

As riveting as that sounds, it isn’t so.

The term high also refers to the kinds of nosh served with the tea. High tea was the end of day feast for the hungry working classes during the late 18th century’s industrial revolution.

It was a time when famished workmen would come home to enjoy dining tables decorated with particularly hearty meals, such as shepherd’s pie and Welsh rarebit.

On the other hand, low tea is considerably lighter and is traditionally served with scones, sandwiches or pastries.

Ooh! For a snack, I’m going with scones, jam and cream!

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Yum! I see you’ve gone for cream tea over light or full! ;-)

Cream, light and full? Wait, what?

You’ve chosen one of the three types!  Afternoon tea, traditionally served in tea rooms across the country, can be taken in any of these three forms.

Cream tea is usually served with yummy scones, sweet jam and cold fresh cream. Light tea is a mix of scones and other sweet treats such as Madeleines and battenburg cake, while full tea is served with a melange of savory bites like quiches & finger sandwiches, also with scones and dessert.

So there you have it – the only guide you’ll ever need to afternoon tea! Now, go 4(pm)th and brew! ;-)


Written as an entry to the  Whittard of Chelsea Afternoon Tea Blogger Carnival

The importance of losing the battle…

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Although the immediate is not the only reality, it sure looks that way. But isn’t that the illusion, the fun of the game? – Looking through what you can actually see, and then imagining past it. Focusing on the end result and remembering to discard the little things that do all they can to sidetrack that main objective.

It’s almost as if life itself is an optical illusion, that nothing is ever what it seems,  after all, we live in a world where those in power are usually perceived as “strong”, yet are ultimately weak – and where the underdogs are silently biding their time, waiting to inherit the Earth.

And if this theory holds any weight, that ultimately perception is all we have, then perhaps our only objective is to manipulate it. Surely that is the definition of free will?

The answer? – You can either learn to see the illusions, or learn to be them.

Excuse me, your cup overfloweth…

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Reminding, that’s what we need. That things aren’t as grim as we imagine, that it probably isn’t as freezing a winter as we think, that we’re just a little thirsty, not starving.

And so spring finally kicks into gear, bringing with it London’s beautiful lines; the arches, the brickwork, the cobblestones – and before this turns into a musical, let me make my point: I’m thankful.

That this website is two years old, and for two years has maintained your support, that the warmer months are finally here and so I can whip out my sunshades and sandals – and for many reasons I could drone on about, that could probably win in a game of one upmanship with Ned Flanders… :-P

Sometimes we simply need reminding – that even when times are tough, we’ve still got it good…

Who needs a cuddle?

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Although there’s a hidden beauty in unanswered prayer, when things we want to accomplish or achieve don’t happen, we feel a huge setback as if wearing a weight in water.

All the more frustrating is that fact despite resting on the shoulders of loved ones, it is you having to find solace in whatever your troubles; You that must decide your next step; You that should exercise logic and eventually, you that needs to get over it.

Advice can only get you so far, and even if it’s good – too much of it can distract you from the harshness of reality. When it’s bad, it can delude you and make you arrogant.

And then there are people who prey on negativity, who wait for an opportunity to down someone else. Everyone from political extremists, to internet trolls who get far too much attention and probably just need a cuddle.

And it’s your job to cuddle them, physically or metaphorically.

The fall guy…

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Why is it snowing so heavily in March? Why are people losing their livelihoods with no hint of a backup plan? Why is the cost of everything but salary steadily inching up?

Where’s our fall guy? The eighties gave us Reagan (the war on drugs). The nineties gave us the police (institutional racism), the naughties gave us “terrorists” (world attacks) – and now we’re thirsty for someone else to blame.

There is no bargaining. We don’t care that our culture is lazy, and never ask questions. We don’t mind that we don’t understand politics, and just agree with the loudest crowd about what the mayor, or the prime minister is or isn’t doing…we just want to blame.

And I’m not taking sides, I’m calling it like I see it

Define broken record?

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Circles. That’s what we live in. Beautiful but tortuous routines that make us, us. Work shifts, excitement based around weekend partying, soaps on set days and movie release dates.

And you frown at the circle, calling it everything from boring to predictable, forgetting that circles expand and grow, or retract and shrink – yet they never change shape.

So surely the only limit of a circle, and of life – is lack of imagination…

Category: A Thought...  Tags: broken record, repetition  

The Peak Vs. The Valley

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It’s easy to forget that the grass is never greener, no matter how dull and brown it looks on your side of the fence.

And even if the grass is greener on the other side, in the rare case that there was an actual fence – rather than this just being a phrase, then there would still be the old issue of maintenance. Keeping the grass green and lush.

New luxury, new problem.

Life calls for upkeep, maintenance and continuation. The only thing awards are proof of, is something current being interesting. After that fleeting moment has passed, what’s next?

And even though we are fiercely aware of this being the natural rhythm of every working day, it’s amazing how amazed we still get by life’s ups and downs; we still don’t expect them.

Lottery wins are possible and quite probable since there is clear evidence that people do win, but we don’t ever expect to win if we play.

In life, do we expect too much, or too little?

Lets play the blame game…

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Everybody takes. Be it the p*ss, advantage or simply their time.

We live in a world where to give is seen as weakness; giving a damn makes you a sucker; giving your two-pennies worth makes you nosy. But surely giving makes you more selfless than selfish?

There is one thing we don’t ever want though. One thing that makes us cringe at the thought, run for the hills, and swear on our last cup of tea that the sky is green and the grass blue.

That thing is responsibility.

Who drank the last mouthful of milk? Who’s fault is it that the tap was left running in the bathroom? Who is to blame for whatever the issue is?

And sure, sometimes nobody is to blame. Sometimes responsibility is phantom and the only real issue is fate. But this makes life even more difficult than it already is.

And you think I blame materialism? That I’ll use the modern day as the reason for this attitude. But to say that, is to call myself naive; after all, did Eve not eat from the tree of knowledge?

Taking responsibility is courageous. Allocating it, isn’t.

And this makes responsibility a rare case; one where taking, is better than giving…

Proof that life will never be easy…

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Sure you’ll have peaks, and then valleys and then ice cream and a tearjerker playlist whilst the only reasonable tele is every drama Tom Hanks ever starred in. Wait, have I said too much? 8-O

The point – and to quote Ronan Keating: “Life is a rollercoaster” – although that sort of suggests that someone very elderly and dear is standing somewhere woozy, nauseous and wants cinnamon donuts…oops, I digress.

There is clear proof that life will never be “easy” and those that wish for that are only wasting time, and it’s written into history:

Jesus was crucified. The Prophet Muhammad was an orphan and could not read or write. Siddhartha Gautama gave up royalty for religion. Mother Teresa after committing to religion, never saw her mother or sister again. Martin Luther King  was a victim of harsh racism throughout his entire life and was eventually assassinated - this list could be infinite.

If life was never easy, even from the dawn of time – why would you assume it would suddenly change for you?

We sit wondering why it always rains on us and when the sun will shine – but the sun is always shining, somewhere…

Dreama – Smoke Without Fire [Video]


The official video for my latest single Smoke Without Fire.
Available on iTunes.